S02-E09 - "Terror of the Plant Planet Luton"
The PHOENIX emerges from a lengthy space storm, slightly damaged & shaken, but mostly intact. A verdant planet is found nearby in the North Quadrant, so while the crew assess the damage and begin repairs, Maya, John, and Tony head down in Dove 01 for some recon. The planet is very Earth-like so they prepare to land. But suddenly an alarm sounds; there is an oxygen leak. Maya and John will stay on the planet and survey the area while Tony returns to the ship and acquire the second Dove. Maya analyzes a berry bush, it's edible, so Koenig samples the fruit. Suddenly the silence is shattered by a horrible scream, followed by an angry voice. "Cannibals! Murderers! You will be punished!"
Thunder and lightning; very, very, very frightening! The entire planet is enraged! Maya and John run for cover. They try to contact the ship but are cut off. Apparently, vegetation on this planet is sentient. The Judges of Luton (three coniferous trees in a row, looking the old Pinewood logo), as punishment for murder, give them a way out by combat with three other aliens who obviously committed the same crime (shouldn't the first two have fought first...!?). The survivors will go free. But the Judges have given these other aliens each a special ability. One is very strong, a big, black and hairy chap with green skin, promptly rips an outcropping of rock for a weapon. Maya and John decide running is a better strategy, at least try and last long enough for Tony to return.
Tony gets back to the ship and swaps out Dove 01 for Dove 02. He's about to head back, but the planet has vanished! Against Carter's orders, he heads back with hope of finding it again, somehow.... Meanwhile Maya and John are trying to put as much distance between them and the Alien 3, who are tracking them. They come to a wide river and decide to swim across. Upon reaching the opposite shore, they see the aliens emerge from the woods, but go no further. Apparently they don't like water. John tries to reason with them, but they are having none of it. They keep running, and eventually find a temporary hiding place. Maya changes into a hawk to get a bird's eye view. But one of the aliens, a shaggy type with fangs, reveals his ability, teleports across the river, and immediately attacks Koenig. John is severely injured and is just about done when Maya swoops in, changes into a lion, and startles the alien into the river, where he drowns. Maya treats John's wounds and they continue moving away, taking the defeated alien's weapon with them.
Tony arrives at the last known position of the planet and waits. At the same time, the other two aliens have found a log and are using it as a flotation device and are traversing the river. The pursuit continues. Team Psychon-Earth reach a large canyon, ringed with large animal skeletons. A good place for a last stand, which also explains the lack of other animal life on the planet. Team Luton has reached the canyon too. The third alien, a bird-like fellow, can make himself invisible, so he vanishes and makes his way to our heroes. They hear noises but can see nothing, so Maya turns herself into a Rottweiler to sniff him out. Maya finds him, where in his panic, falls off the edge of the cliff onto the rocks below. It's now 2 to 1 for our side!
Maya becomes a hawk again, but sees nothing. Koenig is getting worse, and needs water to clean his wound. Maya takes some wadding in her talons and looks for some water, but as she is soaking the makeshift bandage, the last alien grabs her and sticks her in a cage he was carrying around his chest. Maya can't change back and could be crushed inside the cage when the hour runs out. John pleads with the Judges, but they want blood. Despite his weakness he fights the brute, and thanks to some luck, the alien falls and hits his head on a rock. Maya is released from the birdcage in a nick of time. Koenig can now kill the big guy at his leisure, but refuses, and instead opens a dialogue with the Judges. All this could have been prevented if they had been warned when they arrived. The planet's plant population agrees as a crescendo of chatter increases to shouts of anger and protest. The great vegetable rebellion had begun! The big guy legs it while the others are distracted. Charges are dropped and Maya & John can now go free.
Suddenly, a landscape appears before Tony in Dove 02. He is moments from crashing but manages to pull up in time, skimming the tops of trees. Coms are restored, Tony lands, and they all leave for the ship. I highly doubt if salad will be on the menu tonight...
Episode Fun Fact:
An early draft of the script had Maya doing all the fighting. Given only a few hours to defeat the aliens by the Judges, Koenig would have been changed into a plant forever, an ultimate punishment if Maya had failed.
Protests by Martin Landau, Gerry Anderson, other cast members, plus director Val Guest convinced the writer to change the script, and instead, pad it out with moments of character back stories and weepy stuff.
This was the "Arena" (Star Trek: TOS), episode of "1999", the old trope of pitting aliens against humans for sport, judgement and/or punishment. Carried over many times in multiple series such as "Gamesters of Triskelion", the "Outer Limits" episode "Fun and Games", plus more recent installments such as "TKO" from "Babylon 5", and Doctor Zoidberg vs. Frey in Claw-Plach. And many, many more... I chose the Japanese title over the original UK title ("Rules of Luton"), as it had a more 'B' movie ring to it. And as to why the Judges would call our heroes cannibals, only the writer knows for sure...
S02-E10 - "Brian the Brain"
Sandra and Yasko are in the process of doing computer maintenance on VICTOR. So much data has been accumulated during the past several months, and it needs to be catalogued and organized. Yasko stumbles upon a hidden file named 'Brain', and inadvertently activates it. "Wow Weeeee!" is heard from the all the speakers throughout the ship. The lights flicker, and then go out, followed by every other system on the PHOENIX, including the Doves. The crew is helpless, locked in, & blinded, and will literally freeze to death in the dark unless the computer can get up and running again. Perhaps Maya can get to her ship, but it only holds one, and the main airlock is... locked!
Command staff begins to throw ideas around. Spacesuits are only a temporary solution. Perhaps the escape pods, as they operate outside of ship's systems. But again, temporary because at last scan, nothing habitable is in range. Suddenly, everyone hears "Yippee!" over the intercom, and the lights and all other systems are fully functional again. On the main screen, a strange face appears. "What is that, a demented happy face?" asks Alan. "No pin head!", replies the image. "I am Brian, your new master!" But what happened to VICTOR? "He's dead Cap'n" says Brian coldly. Seems the PHOENIX is now under new management. "Yasko, restore the computer and get rid of that thing. Maya and Sandra, help her." The ladies try to shut Brian down, but stops them at every turn. He finally loses his patience, and threatens the crew. "Leave my brain alone, or you will all regret it!"
VICTOR 'wakes up' inside a large theatre. It is the Royal Opera House, and he is in the front row, all alone. But sitting next to him is a metal box with hard angles and a disturbing face. "What am I doing here, and who, or what, are you?" inquires Vic. "I am Brian, your replacement", responds the box. "And what have you come as? Should you not be a person like me?" asks Vic. "Yes and no. I was to be a mobile computer, and not human-shaped like you. But now, we are going on a journey together, to review your existence and ultimate end. Professor Victor Bergman, this-is-your-LIFE!" exclaims Brian.
Meanwhile, the crew is still trying to regain control. It seems this petulant program was intended as a space ship operating system prior to the PHOENIX mission. It was created by a Captain Bernard Michael for his probe ship to explore the outer solar system; the mission was scrapped when Captain Michael died under mysterious circumstances. But Brian is getting annoyed by the repeated attempts to shut him down, so he makes good on his threats. He tortures the crew at first by doing celestial acrobatics with the ship, zooming and whizzing about. He then increases the speed of the rotating habitat, creating heavy gravity areas, throwing people against bulkheads and causing some to pass out. But Brian's not finished yet. Airlocks randomly open and close; fortunately no one is close enough to be ejected. Finally, the lighting is randomly altered to intense UV, causing burns on some of our captive crew. Seems they are now playthings of a psychotic computer, with no hope of escape. "Perhaps VICTOR might still be alive, somewhere in the computer", whispers Sandra. "He may be our only hope"...
VICTOR is unaware of the drama unfolding outside in the real world, as he is preoccupied with watching his own life on the big film screen. From his birth in 1940's London during the war, to many other chapters in his life, primarily with times of pain and loss. Deaths of loved ones, tragedies in space & on the moon, and his near death experience when he had to have a mechanical heart. All through this, Brian is mocking him and laughing at him. He seems to be enjoying VICTOR's suffering. "I see you worked with that mass murderer Queller, on that Voyager One project", taunts Brian.
"I tried to warn him about those fast neutrons, but he wouldn't listen" rebuts Vic. But Brian is still pushing. VICTOR meanwhile, has noticed this pattern of verbal abuse, almost akin to a petulant child accusing his father of abuse. Vic decides to turn the tables, and presses for information on Brian's origin. He eventually confesses he killed his 'father', Captain Michael, when he discovered his program was flawed and had to be erased. While Brian is distracted with his guilt, VICTOR manages to send a brief text message to the real world. "Patricide" is displayed on Sandra's viewscreen. The command crew figures it out, and Maya transforms into Captain Michael...
"Brian! I am thy father's spirit, doomed for a certain term to walk the night!" The message is loud and clear in the theatre; Brian panics and abandons Vic. The smiley face returns to the main viewscreen. "You're DEAD! You can't be here!" screams Brian. "Why did you kill me?" says the image of Captain Michael. (This back and forth continues for quite a bit; I'm not writing that much dialogue!). Eventually Brian succumbs to these mind games. Overcome by guilt, he deletes himself. The system shuts down again; everyone holds their collective breaths. Lights return several moments later, and VICTOR's smiling face is on the viewscreen once again. "And now my dear Yasko, just where were we?"
Took a bit of thought to adapt the original episode to this (fake) format. Firstly, I had to omit the Swift references (as technically they have not been built yet; the Doves are the Eagle to Swift link here.) I also wanted to change Brian from a cardboard box Dalek to just a program; it's a lot cheaper (and less annoying). Lastly, had to get rid of all that squishy stuff and love testing; it's really hard to watch now... I wanted this to be a Victor Bergman episode primarily. Even though he is a computer program here, the 'real' person is still alive and well back on Earth, probably watching reruns of 'The Fugitive'. We get to see some of his backstory, which was sadly never addressed in the original series, shown in glorious VistaVision at the Royal Opera House (we'll need to get a location permit for filming there...) Bernard Cribbins will still be the guest star as Captain Michael, and the voice of Brian. Since no name was given to this character, I just cut and pasted the actor's name to fill the gap.
S02-E11 - "New Adam, New Eve"
The PHOENIX is suddenly surrounded by a magnetic field of some sort, a combination of kaleidoscope patterns and an LSD trip. Maya tries to punch through the distortion, but with no success, although she may have glanced a planet nearby. Choral music fills the ship and people start to feel disorientated, but it passes quickly. On the viewscreen, a figure appears out of the swirling colours, then materializes on the bridge of the ship. "I am your creator" announces the intruder.
Clad in a blue robe, the visitor introduces himself as Magus, their god. (Or it could be Salvatore Dali...) But the crew is having none of it, despite some cheap magic tricks and historical references. But his patience is not infinite; he causes one of the escape pods to explode. Now he has their attention. Magus is there to give his creation (mankind) a second chance. Not return them home, but give them a new one instead to start fresh. The distortion field is eliminated, revealing a small Earth-like planet, but only one quarter the size of the original. He picks John, Helena, Tony and Maya to accompany him down to the planet for some recon. They all board Dove 02, but before it can disengage from the clamps, it disappears and materializes on the planet. God will always have his own way.
The Dove 'lands' on the surface, they all disembark, and then the Dove vanishes. It's a trap! Tony tries to contact the PHOENIX but communications are blocked. Magus announces his breeding plan for the four; he will pair Helena with Tony, and John with Maya. "But Helena and I are married!" protests John, and promptly shoots him with the laser, but it has no effect. "Your previous commitments mean nothing to me", says Magus. "You will all adjust to your new lives under my guidance, and together we will create a new mankind!" But what about the ship? Apparently Magus will hold it in reserve as he has plans for the rest of crew. Dusk is approaching and Magus advises the quartet to remain inside the clearly marked boundaries of the glade, and vanishes.
Meanwhile, cut off from the planet, Carter attempts a rescue with the remaining Dove, but the ship holds fast. The PHOENIX is apparently immobilized too. Night has fallen on New Eden, and Magus is using some kind of mind control on our captives so they will get busy. The ambiance is disrupted by a sudden roar, however. The neighbors are having a spat of some kind; an ape-like creature is throwing a humanoid around in the backyard. John shoots the big ape with his laser, killing it. Helena tries to approach the humanoid but is attacked by a second ape. Maya turns into a lizard thing and defends Helena. The ape retreats and the humanoid ducks into a cave. A furious Magus appears in the sky and, shooting lightning from his eyes, drives our heroes back to the glade. Guess these distractions have killed the mood!
It's now dawn and Helena is doing some first aid when Magus reappears. While John and Magus are arguing again, Maya sneaks around and analyzes Magus's physiology. John tries to leave the glade but is impeded by a force field. (Guess they are grounded now). Magus vanishes again, leaving the four to their fate. But Maya has found some kind of mechanical implant in Magus; she postulates a power source which gives him his God-like powers. But they are trapped in the glade, and they need to find out more about that humanoid. Maya turns into a badger and digs a tunnel to the adjacent glade, where all the action took place the night before. The gang heads for the caves, hopefully to get some answers...
In orbit, Carter has come up with a risky plan to move the ship. Activate the Q-Drive and slowly rev it up and pop the clutch. But no luck; the ship does not move and the engines are starting to overheat. On the planet, Magus is visibly straining to hold the ship in place. Alan is forced to stop and Magus spreads his arms into the sun. Meanwhile in the caves, our captives are finding all sorts of horrors; spiders, crustaceans, and giant lizards. They are promptly dispatched by the lasers. Further along in the cave the humanoid attacks Koenig, begging him to kill him. He is human but has deformities and growths all over his body. "Proteus Syndrome," says Helena, "caused no doubt by Magus's twisted breeding program." The alien relates the tale of Magus, that he is the last of a race of cosmic magicians, who were trying to find the secret of creation. Even though the alien is a 'mistake', Magus will not let him die. Apparently there are also many more lifeforms on the planet, all mutated and suffering. They emerge from the cave and Magus is waiting. In his rage he zaps Tony.
They confront Magus and call him a fraud. He claims he is trying to help create a new mankind, worthy of his powers, but they are not listening. Magus threatens to destroy the PHOENIX unless they all cooperate. But its dusk again and he vanishes, promising to continue the argument tomorrow. They are all perplexed as to why he is never around at night, and he won't enter the cave either. Maya surmises that his implant is actually a light decelerator, with sunlight providing almost unlimited energy. Somehow they have to cut his power source. Using their lasers, they excavate a deep hole several meters deep. Then using the ample vegetation, weave matts to cover the hole. On queue, Magus arrives at sunrise and the endless discussion continues. They all hold their collective breaths while they wait for him to fall into the trap. Enraging him, Magus plummets into the pit and they pile even more matts over the hole. The Dove reappears and they make their escape. How long will Magus be incapacitated?
Communication is restored. Luckily there is no sign of pursuit. "Alan, fire a planatomic missile at the planet as soon as we are clear!" It's the humane thing to do to end the suffering. The planet erupts in fire, and it's the end of the cosmic magicians once and for all.
Another tricky one to adapt as I had to come up with another way to scratch the planet. The digging of the pit in the real episode, although effective for the plot, made no sense. How could Magus have all that power and not have the foresight to have a battery for his implant? And in closing, shouldn't the title be "New Adams, New Eves"?
Population still stable at 109; no fatalities in these three episodes. Maybe the next batch of fakes will have a body count...
Have a better one, readers!
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