"Even in space, be sure to get a receipt!"
Hot on the heels of my last post a few days ago, I have another "Alternate Anderson" adaption of a Year Two episode. I was working on the guest model for this installment about the same time as I was "tweaking" the previous three episodes (9-10-11), so I guess I did lie about the paint fumes...
Tonight I am altering "The Taybor", a rather weak story about a travelling salesman & con man. Found it hard to watch while reviewing the story structure for this post, but wasn't that basically what most of Season Two was like? I'll get into that later, and of course the history and construction of the guest model. So hide your debit cards and enjoy!
The PHOENIX is cruising along, minding its own business, when suddenly it is enveloped in (yet another...) psychedelic light show, but this time it has a (very loud) soundtrack to accompany it. "What is that noise", shouts Alan over the music. "It's 'The Star and Stripes Forever' " replies VICTOR, "an old American marching song!" Who the hell out here would be playing that? "Ahoy there Skipper", booms over the radio. "Quite an entrance don't you think?" They are all perplexed as to who or what is playing an Earth song. The swirling colours disperse, normal space briefly returns, and then another coloured vortex appears directly in front of them, revealing a bizarre spaceship. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Taybor the Trader, formerly Colonel Taylor Borazon of the United States Air Force! My ship is the S.S. Emporium, and I have many interesting things to offer you! Permission to come aboard?" "Granted", replies Alan, although somewhat reluctantly.
There is a flash of colour, and a middle-aged, somewhat portly gentlemen appears on the bridge, dressed in a loose fitting robe. Alan goes to shake his hand, but there is no substance. "You'll have to settle for a hologram for now, Skipper", says Taybor. "My ship is unable to dock with your fine vessel, and getting into a space suit is not as easy as it used to be!" "Your ship, looks like an old space shuttle from the 20th century", asks VICTOR. "Right you are, sir! But I have made many modifications since then!" "We have no record of you or your flight, Colonel" asks Alan. "Yes, it was supposed to be that way. Guess you all deserve an explanation." The Taybor recounts his story.
It was 1987, and war was raging on Earth. Col. Borazon and two others were dispatched in an unregistered military shuttle to deploy an orbital atomic weapon, despite a global treaty banning such actions. The shuttle was hit by a rogue magnetic wave, and the nuke detonated, vaporizing the shuttle and all aboard. "I woke up I don't know how long later," states Taybor, but the rest of my crew was gone. Perhaps it was because I happened to be in a space suit, but the others weren't so fortunate. The shuttle was badly damaged but functional. I had no idea where or when I was, I just know I was lucky somehow. I limped along for months, rationing what food and water I had left, and by some miracle encountered a desolate planet. But on this rock was, of all things, a huge scrapyard of ships from God knows where!" Able to land the ship, he met the Junkman, who over the course of several months, helped rebuild his ship. "This is quite the story", says Alan. "Why don't you join us for dinner later? Tell us more if you feel up to it. We don't entertain many visitors from Earth very often! I'm sure we have some items on the menu you haven't had in a while." "I will partake of your table and hospitality, Skipper!", and the Taybor hologram vanishes. The Emporium adjusts its course and pulls up along side the PHOENIX. Guess who's coming to dinner?
A few hours later, Taybor emerges from the main airlock in his EVA suit. It is like his ship, familiar but with a lot of modifications. He is rather casually dressed in a Hawaiian shirt, khaki shorts and sandals. "I don't get out much these days", he says to Alan, "Best I can do on short notice!" Alan escorts him to the dining area in the spinning habitat module. Already seated is Maya, Helena, Tony, and John. VICTOR is present on a wall screen. Taybor sits next to Maya. Over a simple meal of hydroponic veggies, paired with a nice Pinot Noir (which was to have been for the post launch celebration that never happened...), Taybor recounts more of his tale, and the other guests exchange stories of their last months in space as well. Listening intently to Maya's tragic tale; Taybor has become quite smitten with her, and places his hand on her knee. "A sign of friendship", he says to her and winks.
"So how did you become an outer space travelling salesman?" asks John. "I had to find a way to support myself. As no doubt you have discovered, there is very little charity out here." Taybor has been peddling for 10 years. "I can offer you many exotic items. Here is my catalogue." Col Borazon produces an iridescent dodecahedron. "Touch any side!" Tony is first. He presses a surface and a hologram of an item appears above. "Just scroll through until you find something you like!" The other guests watch too. "But I can offer you more than just trinkets," says Taybor. "I have gravity generators to stop you from floating around in here, matter converters to make food, parts to modify your ship, and of course weapons!" Tony suddenly interrupts, as he recognizes something he was not expecting. "Colonel, you have Coca-Cola!? How is that possible?" Taybor replies "It's surprisingly very popular out here, and I get it directly from the source!" The guests are speechless. "Oh, did I forget to tell you, Skipper? I know the exact location of Earth!"
Questions fly in from all directions. (I'll synopsize). The cylindrical object above the fuselage on Taybor's ship is a hyperspace generator, superior to the Q-Drive in many ways. It can operate for several days, fuel is derived from interstellar gases, and travel is almost instantaneous. They could finally get home, but as the conversation progresses, (like any good thing), there is a catch. "I have to make a living, Skipper", says Taybor. "I can sell you the plans and the parts; I have everything in stock! I can even offer my know how to help you to put it all together. The cherry on top will be the ultimate location of Earth!" But it's been a long night, and Taybor hasn't had this much wine in a very long time. It's a long wibbly wobbly walk back to the airlock. Taybor suits up, and returns to the Emporium.
The previous night's conversation continues on the bridge, with command staff and Taybor communicating through his hologram again. "If you can get back to Earth, why do you stay out here?" asks Alan. "Why? I like it out here! I've made a good life for myself with lots of satisfied and repeat customers." So what is this venture going to cost? Taybor recommends they inventory a list of all they have, which will hopefully include something he needs or wants. "As a sign of good faith," says the Colonel, "I'll throw in this map of the galaxy with locations of a few friendly planets, free of charge!" Another dodecahedron of orange perspex materializes on a nearby console. It's a start... "When you have compiled your list, have Maya bring it over to my ship. Be sure to include a bottle of that grape juice as a sign of your good faith! She can also inspect my hyperdrive and see how it all works."
Maya reluctantly suits up and heads for Taybor's ship. The inner door opens and the Colonel is beaming. "Hi", he says, with a bit of a leer. But Maya is all business. "Here is the manifest you asked for, and the wine too. Now please, just show me the hyperdrive..." "Oh patience, Maya. Relax and let me show you around. I rarely get visitors in my ship." Maya agrees and Taybor shows her around the ship. It is a bit tatty, with rubbish, crates and other items piled everywhere, but she holds her tongue. "Somewhat cramped, isn't it?" she asks. "Big enough for one," says Taybor. "I also converted the old ESA lab into a bachelor apartment, so it could easily hold two..." Maya whirls around just in time to see a sinister smirk on the Colonels' face. He snaps his fingers three times, and suddenly the ship starts to shimmer. It was a ruse all along. From the bridge of the PHOENIX, they see the Emporium engulfed in a rainbow haze, and the ship disappears.
"I told you not to trust him!" rages Tony "He had no intention in helping us. He was after Maya all along!" But this is all academic now. Maya has been kidnapped and there is absolutely no way to find her. "They could be half way across the galaxy by now!" an obvious statement by Carter. But they need ideas, and fast. "I think I may have a way..." says Tony. "We can use Psyche to track her! It's the best bloodhound in the universe!" Maya had been teaching Tony how to copilot her ship. Since the craft is operated by psychic waves, it would have a pattern of Maya's brain patterns. "Fraser, link your navigation to Maya's ship and let it do the driving!" Psyche is piloting now, and activates the Q-Drive.
"Return me at once, Taybor!" Maya is furious. "That's no way for a bride to act on her wedding day!" replies Taybor. "Just think! We can cruise the galaxy together as Mr. and Mrs. Taybor! I can take you places you couldn't possibly imagine! I will shower you with jewels and gifts. And maybe, someday, we might find those missing Psychons out there, including your brother!" "The price is too high," replies Maya, "You leave me no choice!" Taybors' eyes bulge out of his sockets as Maya turns into a very large dog, a Great Dane to be precise! She chases him and he locks himself inside his 'apartment'. "You never said you were a transmorph!" says the Colonel through some heavy breathing. But Taybor is now realizing he may have hit the jackpot; Maya could become other woman for him. He licks his lips at the thought... All he has to do is convince her. "I'm not coming out until you change back! I can stay in here for days and there is no way you can take control of my ship!" Maya surrenders for now, and the Colonel opens the door. She has to think of some other way out of this. "Much better Maya. You should never deny me your beauty!" I think she may have a weapon there...
The PHOENIX, controlled by Psyche, is hot on the trail and is pushing the ship to it's limits. "We only have seven minutes before we have to shut down the drive..." warns Alan.
Beauty. That's the key! Maya has an idea. She transforms into another woman, just as Taybor had wanted. But instead, she has become a grotesque mirror of the colonel. Short and plump, she rushes to embrace him. "I will stay with you, Taybor! As a female reflection of you! We will live and love together, forever!" "Arrgh! Noooo!" screams Taybor. "Please change back! I can offer you the entire universe!" But Maya won't have it. She laughs hysterically while Taybor begins to wimper in the corner. Suddenly, a voice booms over the radio. "Taybor, surrender and release Maya immediately!" Seems he has no choice but to comply.
Maya returns to the PHOENIX. "You can keep the bottle." she says to Taybor as she exits his ship. Tony embraces her when she arrives, and Alan opens up a channel. "It would appear our transaction is null and void." he says to the colonel. "I trust our paths will never cross again?" "No problem there, Skipper. You're not worth the trouble." The Emporium shimmers and vanishes, and the gift of the galactic map disappears too. "Typical" mutters Alan. "Oh I wouldn't worry about it much, dear Alan." assures VICTOR, "I happened to make a holographic copy of it while it was on the ship!" The crew are all smiles as the Q-drive is activated.
Hidden in hyperspace, Colonel Taylor Borazon (ret) watches as the PHOENIX disappears into the void. He is livid. "You think you won, Maya? It's a big universe, and I found you once. You will be mine, someday...."
Epilogue
Quite different from the original transmitted episode, wasn't it readers? It's an average episode, typical of Year Two, and after this retelling, I doubt I will ever watch it again. I did not like the character of Taybor (as portrayed by Willoughby Goddard). He was too much of a buffoon and he did not project enough of a threat to the Alphans as he was supposed to, but they fell for it anyway. Maya, although rather central to the story, sat there most of the time barely reacting to the situation. Was she a robot already? And that was another plot device which came out of nowhere. When (or where) did Helena acquire the skills to build an android? Did the robots on Vega (One Moment of Humanity) teach her the skills during the ad breaks, and did she salvage the spare parts when they all blew their fuse at the end of that episode? I know it wasn't supposed to be an exact duplicate, but she did manage to create an adequate sex doll.
The trading of trinkets throughout the episode was unnecessary for my adaption, and were omitted. It was basically meet up with (yet another) lost Earth mission and the conflict arising therein. Having 'one their own' screw them over was better for the plot. Just because we are all from Earth doesn't mean we are going to get along. The reason for the Americanization of the Taybor character is because the ship used was an American space vehicle. See next section for more info. In the original episode, Taybor was the character's name, but since he was changed to an Earthman, I again made another alteration. Taylor (for the first 3 letters), and Borazon (for the last 3 letters). I liked the word borazon (its just an industrial abrasive by the way), but I first heard it way back in 1971 when it was mentioned in the film "Quatermass and the Pit". It was apt too, as in "You're a hard man, Taylor, just like your name!" as Alan said during negotiations.
Recasting for the role I had to come up with a portly American actor working in the UK at the time (remember this fake series was filmed in the fake mid 70's at fake Pinewood), and then I remembered William Hootkins. That's right, good old Jek Porkins! He had the range to pull it off, based on several other roles I had seen him in, and not just as Red 6.
Fun fact: What some of you out there may not know, was that "Star Wars" was filming around the same time as they were doing Year Two. So many guests stars on the show were played by "Star Wars" veterans. Actors such as Angus MacInnes, Richard LeParmentier, and even the dark one himself, David Prowse. Plus several more; you can look it up if you want to know who.
Well, that about wraps it up for "The Taybor". I have more to rant about for Year Two, but that is for another blogg when I chop up scripts to make more fake episodes. I have taken up a lot of your time already, but feel free to move on to the next section where I relate the story of the making of the guest model.
Building the S.S. Emporium
The concept for this model came about 15 years ago. It was Christmas 2011, and I received the gift I had hoped for, 'Hardware: The Definitive SF Works of Chris Foss'. 240 glorious glossy pages of his art and his history in a 10"x12" hardcover. (I have also been knighted him by the way, so from now it's Sir Chris!). My favourite SF artist; I already had his previous two art books. I politely excused myself, and curled up on the couch by the wood stove. Many of his paintings I had already seen, but there were still many more I hadn't. And when I got to the end of the film concept art section, (which included Dune, Alien, and Superman), I noticed several images from a movie I had never heard of. It was called "Die Sturzflieger", a German sci-fi comedy made in 1995. I know nothing of the story, but I did know there was extensive miniature work done for the film. There was a sketch and photo of the hero ship, the 'Kowalski Cargo', which was built from a Space Shuttle.
I knew absolutely nothing about this film; I couldn't find any reference to it on the net at the time. I just knew I was going to build it someday. So after Christmas, I found a 1/144 Revell kit of the Space Shuttle somewhere. It was put in the model warehouse all safe and sound in a large cardboard box with dozens of other future projects. Until a month ago, when the parts bag was finally opened.
As to when or why I conceived this bizarre shuttle to be part of my fake "Space: 2022" series, I have no idea. As it was a cargo vessel; I eventually decided to use it as the guest model when I 'altered' the episode you have just read. But just doing the model as in the German film would not be enough; it would be a homage, and not a replica. I also wanted to integrate elements from the original 'Taybor' miniature. A Bastard from Outer Space it was to be! Here is the original Taybor model from the episode. Apparently is was 30" tall but it didn't do much beyond the view you see now.
It was the paint job I was most interested in duplicating. But where to find references and photos for the shuttle conversion beyond Sir Chris's book? Searching on the net I did find a documentary on the miniatures for "Sturzflieger" on YouTube. But the best resource came from a modelling site in Germany. Two chaps make up 'Katanga Models', and they have built many models from not just "Sturzflieger", but from other major and familiar series as well. I referenced their photos of their 'Kowalski Cargo' models to aid in the building of my version; I am indebted to them. I highly recommend you visit their site!
The first 'shifts' were for scrounging, digging through all those bankers boxes and totes, finding all the right greeblies & other model parts, lids, plumbing fittings, and other assorted items which were about to be reborn. I spent about two weeks assembling this 3D collage. I even used some left over 3D printed parts. Once happy with the final assembly, one last look, and then it was prime time.
As usual, I neglected to keep a photo record of the next steps. Paint used were various rattlers from several sources, and primarily acrylics from again many sources. For weathering I used washes, pastels & pigments, dry brushing, and the graphics came from surplus decals (the original decals fell apart due to age). All that was about another two weeks of work. And as you can see from the final model, it is not my typical colour palette...
Most of the kit was built right out of the box, although some areas and/or parts were a little worn from over-manufacturing. I had a tail fin from another shuttle kit in the parts box, so I decided to split the tail otherwise the blast from the hyperspace motor would vaporize it!
The hyperspace engine was made from some plumbing fittings and greeblies. The forward section was actually the ESA lab from the model. The flexible pipe is a long coil spring.
Most of the pipework is repurposed sprue, the nicer ones with the curved corners. Also used some styrene tubes. The bulk of the pipes is in the engine core, but there are some on the underside which you can view later when I flip the model over!
That's a lot of boosters! Final total is 12. (There are 4 on the underside for lift) I figured there may be times when the Colonel would have to get out of a failed transaction in quite a hurry!
Some keen eyes may have noticed some blue patches on the shuttle. One above there on the starboard wing, the other on the port side. Just some hastily repaired damage from a dissatisfied customer!
I had originally planned to do more flame effects, but I think just having it at the front was enough. Otherwise it would have been way to busy. The flames were painted by hand; no decals.
I used a radial motor from some old WW2 airplane model. That's how the hyperspace engine works. The magnetic swirl sucks in all the interstellar gasses, which is why it has almost unlimited range.
I kept the underside detail rather sparse, as it wasn't going to be viewed much from underneath. Just some greeblies and the four boosters. Some skid plates made from textured styrene sheet. At least here you can see the rear cargo door. The lower hull section is half of a battleship hull.
Final rear view showing the cargo door again. Most of Taybor's transactions were done on planets, and not in space.
And there it was, the Space Shuttle Emporium! A 1940's hot rod in outer space complete with stylized flames! Will Colonel Borazon return? That's one thing "1999" did not have, a recurring villain or adversary! We are now half way through the season; 12 episodes to go...
Have a better one!
